Christmas is, perhaps more than any other, a season marked by music. You could say it's the grease that keeps the machine of capitalism rolling along. It's unlikely a coincidence, then, that "jingle bells" echo the song of a coin purse. And yet consumers are increasingly foregoing the shopping mall madness for shoppingmallmadness.com. How, then, will they enter the spirit of spending without a low-volume, mid-tuned carousel of Bing Crosby's holiday hits? Fear not, yuletide adventurer! For I have carefully prepared a soundtrack to--count 'em--two! hours of adding-to-cart bliss.

Fill your virtual cart with those smart bulbs for your folks to the waltzy crooning of '70s Bob Dylan. Add that hatchet for your nephew to the lo-fi grooves of Khruangbin. And add the express shipping to saxy soul of Aretha Franklin's Blue Christmas. Because, face it, you're cutting it pretty close at this point.

Merry Christmas. And while you're at it, have a happy new year, ya filthy animal.